(86 voices | scream ) 'Hajimari - a prelude' [13 Dec 2009|03:48pm] i_seldom_do my 'Hajimari' solo show opened last night at Jonathan Levine Gallery in NY. Thankyou to everyone who came out! it was a pleasure meeting all of you. i thankyou so much for such a wonderful night! :D images of all pieces here. ( Read more... ) ~and tons of opening night photos over at Arrested Motion HERE.~

( scream ) because you're still in my head... [12 Dec 2009|02:03pm] bleedmylove Everytime I see you in my dreams I see your face, you're haunting me At night I pray That soon your face will fade away

(4 voices | scream ) [12 Dec 2009|12:37pm] bleedmylove For the past 9 years, I have acted like I have been okay. I think that has been making me crazy inside of my head after all. Who, in their right mind, acts like they're okay and talks about the passing of their dad like it's nothing? I don't think any normal person can be completely okay afterward when she was 12 years old and watched her dad take his last breath and die in front of her eyes in her living room. I feel normal, but I think ever since, I have numbed myself to make myself think that, because sometimes I just go fucking insane inside of my head and I feel like nobody understands. And the one that hurts the most is, Chris doesn't understand why I think the way I do and why I act the way I do. He breaks my heart when he is never on my side and never understands me, and just agrees with me because he thinks it is what I want to hear. I feel so weak and I want to leave. I feel imprisoned and I wish the one who I married could understand me. But after all, it's all fake. I feel like I am faking my life and my emotions. I want to find a way to stop.

(7 voices | scream ) [11 Dec 2009|12:19pm] bleedmylove I am a nymphomaniac, and have had no one to share it with for the past year. I am going absolutely INSANE. Maybe that's why I am so fucking grumpy all the time. I reminisce about the days where I could get high and fuck all day... not be sober and have fast sex in 5 minutes. Oh my god.

(147 voices | scream ) in progress. [09 Dec 2009|08:34am] i_seldom_do some in-progress teaser pics of my 'Hajimari' solo show coming up at Jonathan Levine Gallery in NY this coming Saturday. will post full images of all pieces after opening night happens. ;) ( ..click.. )

(4 voices | scream ) [03 Dec 2009|12:09pm] bleedmylove I have the life I always knew I was going to have, and wanted... settled down, married, with an amazing baby. But this life is so boring, my husband is boring, but he can't help it with the way his job works. I'm starting to wonder what life would be like if I actually tried to do what I always wanted to for once... like following the path Graham took that we could have taken together. Don't get me wrong, I have no feelings for him whatsoever. But life with him was so much more interesting, going on adventures and doing what we BOTH loved best, which was capturing moments of those adventures the way no one else could see through their eyes with our cameras. I hate to say this, but I feel like I threw my life away. I realized that I am NOT one to settle into a comfortable boring way of life. I want my fast-paced life to move again. I miss my dreams. I always think if only this... if only that... Nostalgia nostalgia GOD I HATE NOSTALGIA. It makes me feel so worthless nowadays. Well, you just have to make yourself believe the way your life is going happens for a reason, right...?

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